12×3

I’ve done life lessons, wishes, etc. for when it comes to a birthday wrap up. In Adoration tonight I thought of blessings and immediately I thought of 36 people. So here are my 36 people who serve as my own personal life blessings. Thanks be to God and to them who make my life so joyful and plentiful.

  1. Mom
  2. Linh
  3. Ti
  4. Jesse
  5. Leah
  6. Lincoln
  7. Jen D.
  8. Quang
  9. Michelle
  10. Tho
  11. Nancy
  12. Boba
  13. Cha Lam
  14. Karen
  15. Lam
  16. Ly
  17. Juju
  18. Amanda
  19. Bao
  20. Spanky
  21. Ana
  22. Esel
  23. Surel
  24. Leah
  25. Jen R.
  26. Darla
  27. Bridget
  28. Chelsea
  29. Cary
  30. Renita
  31. Melissa
  32. Allison
  33. Jen N.
  34. Dung
  35. Ha Vy
  36. Dad

not to mention their other half and kids in the mix whom I’ve grown to know and cherish as well.

Wow I think I just made my wedding guests list. lol I always said I want 50.

Cheers to my 36th year. 

 

 

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Quicksand

At Adore night a question was presented to us to think about where you are right now in your relationship with God? Are you the prodigal son who’s sitting in the mud with the pigs or are you the ones who checks off A and B proclaiming to God that you do this and that for him?

When I closed my eye to pray I saw myself drowning in quicksand. There would be moments where I’m frantically trying to stay up and moments where I remember to not panic and try to swim out of the quicksand. But no matter what- I continue to sink and would start to feel the sand getting into my mouth and knowing I am going to die. I see Jesus above reaching in, He gives me his arm, and says “Grab onto me and I’ll pull you up”. I doubted in that moment. I told him I had no upper body strength and if he lets go I would further sink. He said “TRUST ME-I won’t let you fall” and I reached up and held on. Jesus felt so strong.

What happened here? I thought I was alright with God. How did I end up in quicksand?

But you know-I do that a lot with my relationship with Him and every aspects in life. I label myself as an ongoing constant. I think I’m doing OKAY until you start to peel back the layers and realize underneath there’s a lot of bruising.

Somewhere along the line I’ve grown to believe that although God loves me and vice verse-he is now a quiet God in my life. I feel like he just keeps passing me by because I’m FINE to attend to others who really needs him. Apparently I’m not fine and I demand his attention.

I guess that happens a lot to me- people really don’t give me a voice. They just give me a passing thought every now and then and leave me there standing there wounded. I talk but I don’t think anyone is listening because they are SO self absorbed in their own lives.

So how did I get here? There is brokenness inside me. Did I lose trust in Him somehow?

Mirror

One of the hardest thing to hear is when a friend attacks who you are.

You think you’ve been a good friend to someone and then your character gets question. Changes everything in an instance.

Makes the word “genuine” really hard to swallow now. How are you suppose to act now in front of them? If being myself got me in trouble then who should I be now as to be less of the person they didn’t like?

It was a lot easier when I was cutting friendship left and right. I got my feelings hurt less.

Hello 2018

I tried my best to stay awake… actually I didn’t try too hard. I’ve been flying for five days straight and so when my head hit the pillow at 11:28 pm last night I just let it. 2017 went by fast and I know it’s something everyone always says but it’s really did this time. Once again here are my highs and lows:

Ups:

1.) Got to be God-mom to my little nephew, Lincoln! I went back and forth between Saint names but very happy with whom I picked in the end for Lincoln: Saint Michael the Archangel.

2.) Disney World/Universal Studios trip with the girls in early January- this was definitely unexpected and less stressful than my Barcelona trip in October.

3.) Holding a line for half the year! I’m not going to lie- the future looked bleak for my seniority in the beginning of 2017. So happy I was able to pay some of my debt off and start saving again.

4.) Being able to renew my lease for the same price. Sure-I tend to have the worse luck in neighbors but hopefully they will move when it’s time to renew.

5.) Nancy home coming-One of my favorite people coming back to Houston.

Honorable mentions: Births of some of my friends’ cutest babies (Quang, Dung, Ha Vy), Phong’s & Thuy’s wedding, being asked to be a bridesmaid in Juju’s Wedding, Astros winning World Series, Jen N.’s engagement, seeing three new musicals this year in London!

Downs:

1.) My parents constant talk of divorce and just arguing that weighed on us kids.

2.) Hurricane Harvey- no brainer just rough on all of Houston.

3.) United being bashed on the news and in social media. Hard loving your job when everyone thinks the company you work for is the Devil.

4.) Realizing my friendship with some of my once closest friends have ran its course and we have only a texting relationship now i.e. Amanda, Joy, Hannah, Christine

5.) My weight gain and how hard it is to lose the extra five pounds

Others: Nancy’s dad passing, debt still strong, constant feeling like a charity case because of relationship status, shootings

Goodbye 2017. You weren’t too bad to me personally but here’s to new GOOD beginnings!

Proverb: “No man is an island”

Then why do I feel like a castaway more and more as the days go by?

35 years flies on by

Happy 35th Birthday self!

As always when I add another candle to my cake, I share a post.

Trying to set some goals for my 35 year old self.

1.) Travel somewhere I have never had before (Iceland, Australia, Vietnam maybe?)

2.) Lose five pounds… that never seemed to be hard until my 30s

3.) Save more and reduce my debt more

4.) Try something  new for the first time ever (skydiving?)

5.) Maybe just maybe start a new relationship

Alright self. I’ll check with you again on 10/8/18 to see what you have accomplished!

Adieu 2016 and Bonjour 2017!

Instead of making New Year resolutions that I have trouble remembering or keeping, I like to focus on the highs and lows of the past. I don’t want to be a pessimist so let’s start with my top  5 Highs‘ of 2016:

  1. Announcement, Arrival, and Birth of my nephew and godson, Lincoln James Huang. I still remember the moment my sister announced that he was here.  I had seen the underneath the wrapping paper of the box that my sister gifted to my mom that had his expected arrival date. I saw my dad run over to hug my sister and my mom cry. I wanted to cry! Then came the guessing of the baby’s gender and how I got my niece to tell me.  I’m so happy he came before Thanksgiving and that I was able to be home to hold him on his first day of life.
  2. My 34th Birthday and trip to Paris- I am so thankful for the friends and family who celebrated with me and my return to Paris. My birth date arrived and passed and I’m so happy in the simple way that I was able to celebrate it. And even though I had been to Paris many times, it still holds a special place in my heart. I am so glad the girls trip happened.
  3. Wedding of my best guy friend, Quang to his now wife, Christine. The wedding was beautiful and intimate. You could feel so much love for the couple and how happy everyone was. Austin weddings are lovely.
  4. Moving into my new apartment complex and feeling safe again. I hope it doesn’t get ghetto any time soon.
  5. Cha Lam’s 10th Anniversary celebration- it was JAMfest past and present all gathering and celebrating a great friend and priest.

Now the Lo’s…

  1. Losing my hard line at work and becoming permanent reserve again
  2. In more debt now
  3. Losing a friend in my sister
  4. Losing my cross necklace that I had since I was a child
  5. Feeling unwelcome in Amanda and Andy’s home now and it’s caused me to be more aware and careful when visiting a friend’s home- NEED TO ASK THE HUSBAND AS WELL

and there you have it- 5 things I am so thankful for and 5 things that brought me some pain.

I didn’t go on one single date this year and you know what- IT FELT GREAT! There was one moment I was interested in someone and I was turned down in the nicest way that it didn’t leave a bad taste in my mouth. So once again 2016 was not my year to meet my great love but that’s okay. Maybe in 2017, I’ll be more open. Salute!

slippery slope

Some days, like today, life seems unfair. Before I have a little meltdown, I have to realize that life is full of twist and turns and not meant to be fair. This isn’t paradise. We were banished  from Eden a long time ago.

I fall. I get back up again. I dust myself up and try again. But some days- all I want to do is sit in the mud and sink a little.

 

34 steps forward

My traditional birthday posting is a little late but better late than ever right? Kind of like my love story… ^_^

Turning 34 was fairly easy and pleasant. I was dreading the usual feeling of sadness and self pity that has follow 30…31… 32… and 33. But none came and that itself is a happy victory. I am so full of gratitude and acceptance.

It was a birthday spent with no concrete plans but I got to see everyone who loves me. I blew out a candle surrounded by family and friends and on top of my all-time favorite cake flavor. ICE CREAM CAKE!!! (The little kid in me still exist)  All the favorite people were with me eating my favorite meals and on top of that I returned to Paris. I still love that city so much. The last birthday trip spent there was my 28. At 34, it still holds so much magic for me.

So I’m not married yet. But you know what? If it’s what my heart desires and I believe that God knows my heart’s desires then He will make it happen. It’s going to happen. Maybe it’ll happen in 5 years or 10 years but someday. I can’t force my desire for the marriage vocation to go away and settle. It’ll only make me miserable because who am I fooling but myself?

I’m proud to proclaim that out loud and believe it. FINALLY!

Dear No One

Tori Kelly sang my emotions into life. 

I like being independent
Not so much of an investment
No one to tell me what to do
I like being by myself
Don’t gotta entertain anybody else
No one to answer to

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when its cold
Got that young love even when we’re old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you’re out there I’d swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You’ll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song

I don’t really like big crowds
I tend to shut people out
I like my space, yeah
But I’d love to have a soul mate
And God’ll give him to me someday
And I know it’ll be worth the wait

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You’ll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when its cold
Got that young love even when we’re old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You’ll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song

Dear No One…